From the conversation with a mystic “Josephine” about forgiveness and reconciliation:

– she thought that unforgiveness often comes from not feeling safe anymore after a war, and not possible to trust/forgive when sense of safety has not been restored. Such a trauma that peaceful life has suddenly turned into war, and people who were friends/neighbors etc before become enemies and kill, that fear and lack of sense to be safe remains. She felt the same after her ugly divorce, was such a shock and the fear to be attacked remained for a long time;

– she feels in her the healing process was to see that there is another safety that comes from recognizing her inner wholeness and that no matter what happens to her on the outside, there is something inside her that cannot be harmed, not depended on violence from outside;

– and to let go of how the other person should be and let their life be their business and focus on minding her own business;

– and she thinks for reconciliation the main step is to slow down a lot, and not even talk about the war and the wounds etc, but to start by little steps of a normal life together, doing activities together again etc, and only later go deeper;

– about guilt she said that there is a fear of falling out of society, being rejected for having done something wrong, fear of surviving without the group, being alone etc.;

The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life. That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ — all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least among them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself — that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness — that I myself am the enemy who must be loved — what then?” ~ Carl Gustav Jung